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Ways to Prepare When Your Spouse is Deployed

If you dont know and new to my blog, I am a Army wife. My husband is also deployed. These are very helpful tips that new military families should know. If you should have ANY questions at all, please email me. I will answer to my best of my ability. If I cant, I will surely point you to the resource that will have the answers. 



If you're suddenly faced with your spouse's deployment, following is some information and encouragement to increase your peace of mind and help you make the best financial decisions possible for you and your family during this difficult time.

* Before Deployment
* Helpful Tips A-Z

• Accounts & Authorization
• Bill-Paying
• Cell Phones
• Credit Cards
• Child Care
• Keeping in Touch
• Legal Assistance and Power of Attorney
• Military ID
• Red Cross Assistance
• Sources of Help Taxes 

Before Deployment
Before your spouse leaves, there are several decisions you should make together, as well as some information that you should be sure to compile jointly. Consider buying a notebook to record information and some clearly labeled file folders to keep important papers. Gather the following information with your spouse if possible:

•  Account numbers and contact information (billing addresses, phone numbers and customer representative names) for credit cards, mortgage loan or rent, bank accounts, loans (i.e. car or student), and safety deposit box
•  Investment statements (i.e. stocks, bonds, mutual funds, or other investments)
•  ATM pin numbers and passwords for accounts
•  Policy numbers and contact information for insurance policies such as health, life, auto, disability, homeowners or renters' insurance
•  Contact information for any professional help your family uses and or may need access to including lawyers, doctors, financial advisers or investment professionals, mechanics, repairmen
•  Maintenance records for cars, major appliances, etc.

Also record your spouse's military information, including:

•  Name of his/her unit
•  Names and ranks of his/her chain of command
•  A copy of his/her orders and travel itinerary

Following is a list of documents that you should try to locate and keep in a safe, central location:

• Your military I.D.
• Your spouse's birth certificate
•  Your marriage certificate
•  Your spouse's social security number
•  Power of attorney document
• Financial statements including checking, savings, CD, brokerage, retirement accounts, and credit card statements
• Copies of both your and your spouse's wills and living wills
• Instructions about guardianship arrangement for your children
• Car title and registration

Helpful Tips A-Z

Accounts & Authorization
Make sure you have any necessary authorization from your spouse to handle things like withdrawing money from jointly-held accounts, resolving billing or paycheck problems, etc. Make sure that your bank, credit card, and other financial accounts are held in both names, listed as "Sally OR John Doe" rather than "Sally AND John Doe." That way if there's a problem with the account you don't need your spouse's signature or authorization to solve it.


Bill-Paying
If you've never handled your family's finances, sit down with your spouse and discuss how he/she has done the bills up to this point. Begin by making up a list of your regular, monthly bills such as your mortgage/rent, utilities (i.e. electric, gas, water, phone), car payment, student loan, and credit card bills. For a list of other typical expenses and an interactive budget worksheet, click here for english, or click here for spanish.

Once you have a list, make sure that you've located your checkbook and have adequate checks (or know how to pay your bills online). Make sure that you know when your bills are due. Since you know you'll be under stress and have more to do managing what your spouse did or what two of you previously did together, don't try to rely on your memory. Write down the "due date" of your recurring monthly bills on your calendar and highlight to make sure you send your payments in on time.

If possible, you may want to set up automatic withdrawal from your checking or savings account for any recurring monthly expenses (i.e. mortgage, car loan). You can stop in at your local bank branch to set up automatic withdrawal. While you're there, you can meet with a bank representative to ask questions you may have about using checks, withdrawing or depositing money in your account; and loan or credit options. That will help ease your stress, save you time, and ensure that your payment isn't late.


Cell Phones
Depending on your contract, canceling cell phone service can be costly. Some companies will allow you to "freeze" your account while your spouse is deployed and pay just a minimum monthly payment to maintain your account. Check with your wireless provider to see what help, if any, they can offer.


Credit Cards
If you haven't been responsible for managing your family's finances it can be easy to misuse credit cards while your spouse is deployed. Before your spouse is deployed, ask what cards he/she used and for what type of expenses.

It's important to keep current on your bills, meaning that you send your payment in on time. If you're having difficulty paying your bills, contact your credit card company. At the very least you want them to know that you want to keep current on your bill, but you're having difficulty. They'll note that on your account and may offer ways to help you such as extending your payment date. Some companies will lower or waive the interest rate on your card if your spouse has been called up to active duty.

Try to keep a close eye on how much you're charging, and if you're charging things that you used to pay with cash. Using credit inappropriately can add up quickly and put you under a real financial strain. For tips on keeping your credit habits under control, click here.
*

Child Care
The Department of Defense now requires families with two parents being called into active duty, and families headed by a single parent called to active duty, to have a family-care plan. The plan should outline specific directions on who is to care for the children, how children will be transported to their designated caregiver, and what financial arrangements are in place to provide for the children while their parent or parents are gone. In addition to regular expenses such as food, clothing, tuition or daycare fees, you'll also want to make sure to put aside money for any emergency medical needs and for transportation such as plane or train tickets in the event that you need to send your children to stay with designated friends or relatives while you or your spouse is deployed. If you or your spouse is in the National Guard or is a reservist, see "If Your Spouse is in the Reserves or the Guard" for more information on military benefits regarding child care. Stop by your base's family center if you need help in preparing a family-care plan.
*

Keeping In Touch
It can be logistically difficult and costly to keep in touch with your spouse while they're stationed overseas. Ask your family care center if you'll be able to send packages or mail and if so, how much will it cost? Will your spouse have access to email? Do you know his/her email address? If you want to talk by phone you have three options:
o Using your current long-distance service,
o Using a calling card, or
o Using a pre-paid calling card

Using your phone-based long distance service can be costly. Call your long-distance provider (listed on your phone bill) and ask if they provide military discounts for regular long-distance and overseas calls. Some long-distance providers are offering reduced rate calling cards. Calling cards enable you, or your spouse, to make calls from any location using a calling card number and PIN (personal identification number).

Prepaid calling cards allow you to pay upfront a certain sum of money for a specific amount of calling time. For example, you can pay $25 for 500 minutes of calling. You can obtain a pre-paid calling card at local drug stores, warehouse stores, or online. Check on the card to make sure you or your spouse can make international calls with the card.

You should also check with your base's family center to see if you can obtain a free "Operation Uplink" calling card courtesy of the Veterans of Foreign Wars (www.operationuplink.org) or other similar organizations that donate cards free of charge to service members.


Legal Assistance and Power of Attorney
GO GET a power of attorney document. A power of attorney document gives you, or somebody else that you designate, the legal authority to act on you or your loved one's behalf for financial, health-related, or other business matters. The legal assistance office on base should be able to help you with this decision.



Red Cross Assistance
The Red Cross provides assistance to all sectors of the military and their families, whether they are active, inactive, retired, in the reserves, serving in their local community or deployed. The Red Cross provides communication links, financial assistance and counseling. You can get more information on Red Cross assistance through your local chapter (listed in the phone book or by accessing their website at www.redcross.org) or by contacting your on-base Red Cross station or field workers.


Sources of Help
The military offers several sources of help for service member dependents during active duty including:
o Pre-deployment briefings. If you can't attend a briefing, contact your local family center for more information - they offer information and services by experts on a wide variety of topics to help you prepare.
o Employee benefits book.
o Financial counseling personnel. Most bases or posts have financial professionals on staff that can provide you with information about financial options and programs created specifically for military families.
o Your on-base community. Even if you're living off base, military spouses bond closely and can provide invaluable services and support.
o Your base's family readiness coordinator.



Taxes
If you've never done your family's taxes before, you may want to get professional help. You may be eligible for a tax extension, or exclusion, depending on your spouse's orders. Check out the IRS' website for information on military exemptions and for online help in preparing your taxes. You may also want to consider using a tax preparation firm such as H&R Block or Jackson-Hewitt, or a smaller, local tax preparer. You can find a listing of local firms in phone book. Make sure you ask upfront how much they charge for their services.

While Your Spouse is Gone
Trying to maintain stability at home and work while your spouse is deployed is difficult. While your spouse is gone, you can avoid unnecessary stress by:



Sticking to a budget and keeping an eye on credit. When a spouse is deployed, you're now suddenly faced with trying to cope with things on your own. There used to be two of you and in some cases, there was more money, or at least fewer expenses, prior to your spouse being mobilized. Of course you'll encounter unexpected expenses while your spouse is gone, but keeping to a budget can help provide you with structure and help you resist emotional overspending, which will create greater stress over time. For more information on budgeting and an interactive, online budget worksheet, click here for english, or click here for spanish.

While you're managing the family's finances on your own, be careful about using your credit cards for items that you don't usually charge or writing a lot of checks without keeping track of how much money you're spending. Making sure that you record the checks you're writing, balancing your checkbook, and reviewing your credit card bill will help you keep track of how you're doing financially.

Although most families will be facing additional expenses and/or reduced pay, some service member's families will find that they have additional income. Think twice before spending it. Why not use it to pay off some debt or deposit it into your savings account? Depending on how much money you'll receive, you could consider opening a money market fund or depositing money in a Certificate of Deposit ("CD") with your local bank. 


Staying connected to community. Seek out people in your same situation. These friendships can help ease the stress and provide you with help you might need, especially if this is the first time that your spouse has been deployed.


Seeking professional help. If you're having trouble financially, legally or emotionally there are resources you and your family can take advantage of. Contact your base's legal assistance office or family readiness office for help. Following is a list of additional websites that may provide you with help.


Courtesy of Tomorrow's Money

I love to share about my family but one thing that I have to be mindful of is OPSEC. So for some of you who arent sure, here is a article and definition. Remember OPEC is vital to the safety of your military member and yourself.

“OPSEC is a vital element in

protecting the Army’s soldiers and

missions, and I want to stress how

vital a role every member of the team

plays in ensuring that we deny our

adversaries potentially useful

information.

“Whether we are on duty or off

duty, we cannot afford to let our

guard down. Your diligence in OPSEC

is key to ensuring our effectiveness in

operations and our collective safety.

Together, we will succeed.”

Maj. Gen. Keith B. Alexander

Commanding General

U.S. Army Intelligence and Security Command

Operations Security, or OPSEC, is keeping potential adversaries from discovering our critical information. As the name suggests, it protects our operations – planned, in progress, and those completed. Success depends on secrecy and surprise, so the military can accomplish the mission faster and with less risk. Our adversaries want our information, and they don’t concentrate on only soldiers to get it. They will be concentrating on the family member as well. 

Examples Of Critical Information

• Detailed information about the mission of assigned units.

• Details on locations and times of unit deployments.

• Personnel transactions that occur in large numbers (Example: pay information, powers of attorney, wills, deployment information).

• References to trends in unit morale or personnel problems.

• Details concerning security procedures.

So what the heck is FRG, Anyway?

ArmyFRG is your direct connection to Command information for your unit. They keep you noticed on what is happening in the local community. They are your contact about your spouses deployment. This is a GREAT resource. Get to know your contact!!!

Family Readiness Groups

Definition

An FRG is a battery/company affiliated organization of military members and family members who utilize volunteers to provide social and emotional support, outreach services, and information to families before, during, and between family separations, deployments, extended tours of temporary duty and field training exercises.

Purpose

the main purpose of an FRG, is to educate families on the resources available to them as military families.  This is an on-going education and mentoring  process. 

Goals

The goal of all FRGs is to produce families who are sustaining and self-sufficient

An FRG is NOT responsible for:

·         Acting as surrogate parents

·         Acting as social workers

·         Lending money, cars, or other expensive items

·         Supporting a divided "club" atmosphere (i.e. enlisted/officer, single/married spouses/parents etc…)

·         Providing a babysitting service

Duplicating Department of the Army, post, or community activities and resources (i.e. providing food, money, legal advice, etc.)

Structure

The FRG is based on volunteerism.  By military regulations thebattery/company commander is ultimately responsible for the establishment and support of the FRG, but the operation and functionality of the group depends on the level of involvement of its volunteers   A volunteer chairperson or leader is officially appointed by the commander to help organize and lead the FRG.

The volunteer FRG leader is responsible for organizing meetings, creating and sending  newsletters, maintaining a phone tree, and/or assisting with activities, events, and fundraisers.

The FRG volunteers are made up of any Soldiers, spouses, or family members associated with the unit who hold key positions within the FRG i.e. Asst. Leader, Sec/Tres, Historian, Committee Members etc…  Some volunteers will be "Key Callers" or "Points of Contact."    The POCs' names appear at the top of a FRG Phone Tree and they are responsible for calling the people listed below their name to relay messages from the commander and/or FRG leader. Although all positions within the FRG structure are voluntary, commanders should recognize them as part of his/her special staff a treated accordingly.

Family Readiness Group Framework

It may be helpful to view Family Readiness in this way.  Starting with families at the center of all family readiness events, there are three main goals of the FRG.  Preparing families for separation from the military member, educating families on the mission and responsibilities of military families, and communicating regularly with all families are all an integral part of maintaining healthy family relationships.  If the FRG is structured so that one or more of these goals is being met with any planned event, both planning and execution of the event will be more successful.

  

PREPARATION

The primary goal of any Family Readiness Group should be to maintain readiness for any type of separation - field exercise, deployment, schools, etc.  Through regularly scheduled FRG meetings, newsletters, phone tree messages, classes, and deployment readiness briefings, all families should be better equipped to deal with the stresses associated with separation.

EDUCATION

Educating families on the military way of life, responsibilities of the military member, and unit mission can help alleviate frustration and confusion when separations occur.  Organizations such as Guard Family Team Building (GFTB), Guard Family Action Plan (GFAP), Operation READY, and Army Family Action Plan (AFAP) programs are great ways to educate families on how to better handle the issues that arise in the military.

COMMUNICATION

Communicating regularly with all military families helps create unit cohesion and can eliminate many problems that arise due to gossip, misinformation, and/or rumors that may circulate within  your unit. 

SAMPLE GOALS FOR A BATTERY/COMPANY LEVEL FRG

1. Support single Soldiers
1. Welcome new Soldiers in the monthly newsletter
2. Provide Christmas stockings with goodies
3. Provide Easter goody baskets/bags
4. Recognize birthdays with cupcakes, quarterly; in newsletter, monthly
5. Provide each Soldier with monthly newsletter
2. Support married Soldiers, spouses, and children
1. Welcome new comers
1. Welcome Committee
2. Welcome packets

2. Holiday parties
3. Family events
2. Maintain effective communication with all Soldiers and families

b.      Maintaining and distributing current phone tree rosters

c.       Mailing monthly newsletters to each family

d.      Providing copies of monthly newsletters for Soldiers to read 

e.       Utilizing email messages to send information to families

d.      Educate Soldiers and family members on the mission of our unit 

a.       a. Newsletters

b FRG meetings, classes/workshops

c.       Soldier formations

d.      FRG activities

e.       Prepare Soldiers and family members for deployment/redeployment

a.       Sponsor briefings throughout any deployment /mobilization process

b.      Provide referral and resource information for pre-deployment, deployment and post deployment periods.

Obviously, these types of goals are better met when all leaders in the unit actively support them.  The commander, MPOC, FRG leader, and volunteers must work together to create an environment where military members  and families feel comfortable and welcome.  Once the environment is set,  families are more likely to attend meetings and events.  This sets the stage for preparing military members and families for separations, educating them on military and unit issues, and maintaining open communication, and that will pave the way for a successful, effective Family Readiness Group.

Adapted in part from information obtained from http://FRG.army.mil, article entitled What is a Family Readiness Group, by Traci Cook.                 

Moving some posts over

Hey ya'll. That's right I say YA'LL a lot. Hey I am from N.C., cant help myself. I am even known to say churn once in a while when I am referring to children. I am working on that one.

ANYWAYZZZZZZZZZz.

I have a blog for my military life experience but never post over there anymore. I was thinking since this blog is about my life and what not. I thought that I should bring those post over and delete that blog. They are older so please forgive me. Someone might find them helpful.

Talk to you later!

Visitor question: How do you handle your husband always being gone? Dont you get lonely?

My husband and our 3 children. I LOVE this picture!

Another question in my email. Sorry it took me so long to reply.


How do you handle your husband always being gone? Dont you get lonely?


Thank you for the question. I hope that you decide to press that follow button and become a friend. During deployment times such as this, I LOVE new friends. :)

Anyway, I will give you a little background and then answer the question. My husband and I have been together for 15 years. Yep, I have been with this man since I was 18 years old. In those 15 years, there have been times that he had to go and take care of business. Even when he wasnt in the Army, work would take him away for corporate sponsored trainings and meetings.

But the longest he has had to be gone is associated with the Army. It's hard to say "See ya when you get back". Anytime my husband has to go that means that he has to miss out on something; birthdays, anniversaries, sports, holidays, and etc. That is really hard on him. But what motivates us through the 12 months is God, love, Skype, care packages, phone calls, and busy time. I also found that I have to keep myself business. Less time to think about all the time he is gone the better.

I have a lot of heart to hearts talks with God. You know if you listen, he does answer.

The love I have for my husband gets stronger every deployment or time away. It reminds me how much I really love that man. His bad habits really doesnt seem to be that bad. I can deal with the sock issue a lot easier than a deployment. I also let myself cry. I am strong but I also have feelings. There are times that I need a good snotting it up cry. It helps me. Once that cry is over, then its time for me to get back on my grind. It is also the love that we have for our children. Those little monsters need me and my husband to be strong. Its hard enough for them to see or hear my husband and I lose it.

I dont know about everyone but care packages help both me and my husband. They make me feel good to send them and it makes him feel good receiving them. He claims that I dont have to send so many boxes but when one arrives he is like a child on Christmas. I send cookies, snacks, microwaveable meals, favorite items, pictures, art work. I send anything that I believe will brighten up his day. I also sign him up for all the programs I can find that support the soldiers. He LOVES the letters that the children sends thanking him for his service.

Skype and phone calls, These are wonderful. We have every IM service you can think of and its just a way to see  or hear each other voices. Sometimes it's only for 10 minutes but it is such a morale booster.

Last but not least, It takes maturity. You have to be mature to get through these times. You have to realize that what your spouse is doing is his or her job. There will be times that you have to share him or her with the world but that's his or her job. Its not fun at all but you have to be in a mature mind set. You have to allow yourself to feel all the emotions that comes with them being gone but you also have to be able to handle/control those emotions.

People always say that the military destroy marriages. I dont believe that. I believe that marriages are formed for the wrong reason and deployments and such makes people realize it. What do I mean??

One Scenario:

Well you will see a 18 year old marry his or her mate because during boot camp they were lonely and didnt like that feeling. They rush in to that marriage. No counseling. No discussion about their career. Marriage isnt based on love alone. It takes a lot more. That a lot more will help people discover whether its love or a lot of like. So then they deploy, all that time alone they realize that they are missing out on life. They are putting their life on hold for someone they just like. Then thats when the issues surface. NOT TO SAY THAT ALL MARRIAGES ARE LIKE THAT BUT THEY ARE OUT THERE. Shoot they dont even have to be young. Its all about maturity and patience. If  you dont have neither, you will struggle.


Ok, this post is long enough! I hope that I answered your question. 

Running on E....

"I finally noticed it, it finally hit me

Like Tina did Ike in the limo, it finally hit me"

I need more sleep. I am probably getting sick and drained because I havent had a full night of sleep in a weeks. I am running on 4 to 5 hours of sleep a night and I think that my body has finally decided to protest. Im so addicted to coffee that it is a soother to get me to sleep. That is probably another reason why I am at a stand still with my weight. My body is craving more down time and I am avoiding it like a lame dude trying to get a date with me. 

I am fully aware that a person needs to get at least 8 hours of sleep a night. I am shorting myself 4 hours of sleep.

I am even allowing my school work to slip. I am tired. I'm drained. I need a break. I need some damn sleep. 

So I'm done complaining now. I know what I have to do. I need to manage my time better. I NEED sleep. I realize that without my sleep I feel like I am running backwards with blinders on. 

Also, I am going to bring my Thursday "Me" days! Time for me to do something. Time for me to take action. This is going to be a LONG year (deployment) if I dont get myself together. I started this deployment off well but I am just slipping away. Time for me to do something.....