Sunday, August 9, 2009

Coming out of my friendship shell

My goodness I don't know what is wrong with me but I have the biggest issue with being shy or coming out of my shell. Some people take it as being a snob but it really isn't. I just have issues with rejection. I hate to put myself out there to be hurt. With me that's with everything in life. I avoid things if I feel like I am going to fail, be hurt or plain ole look stupid.

I realized that I have missed out on a lot in life because I always looked for the safe option. With friendship that always have backed fired on me. Its hard for me to sustain friendships just for the simple reason of putting myself out there. I can gain friends easily but to keep them is the hard part. I don't run them away. I just don't work to keep them. I find myself neglecting friendships because I don't know what to do next. It's like OK I got the friend now what do I do with this friendship.

My friends that I talk to on a daily basis are friends that tend to be needy or aggressive. Which is a nightmare for me because I cant handle the needed or overly aggressive. The aggressive friends wont allow me to fall off. They remind me that I need to come out of my shell. The aggressive don't realize that they freak me out because I am trying but the dee-bo effect freaks me the hell out. The needed tend to take and take and take from me until I don't have to patience to give NO more. Dont get me wrong, I have some amazing friends that I have had over the years but they may talk to me quarterly. Not that I don't love them, but I don't want to seem overly aggressive. I don't want to push myself on anyone.

One of my New Years Resolutions was to put myself out there. Here it is August and I have yet to do this. SOOOOOOOOO, yesterday was my revolution. I have to get out. Meet people. Connect with people. Work at friendships like I work at my marriage in a sense.

I just have to remember that everyone isn't meant to be my friend. So its OK to walk away from friendships that just don't work. Its OK to be selective with my friends. Its ok that I just dont click with some. Its OK to say, "Look I love you but damn you need to go home for a little and let me miss you a little." Some of the things I will not do. I hate to hurt people feelings. In turn, I will accept behavior that isnt right or I will be like F you and walk away. I forget that if I dont tell people how I feel they will never know.




That is so true you can not be friend everyone. I must be like you I tend to attract needy or overly aggressive types. I just come to realize that a real friend is not someone who is around ALL the time, but someone who is there when you need them the most. But I agree with your post.

Mom.Wife.Me said...

Growing up, my mother always use to say that some people don't have friends for a reason. I still have a hard time believing that until its too darn late.