Sunday, August 30, 2009

Until his return

Well My husband finally started Officer Training School. Every time daddy leaves we make a link chain. Well today we started our link chain. For every day that passes we tear off a link. This is so exciting for the kids because they have some physically to show them when daddy is coming back home.

The life of a military family....

I have to find my camera batteries so I can share what it looks like or buy some new ones.

Ok off to finish the about me threads.

All about me: ME!

Here's a little about me.

I dont know if there is much to tell. I grew up a military brat. I have lived in places that some people on dream of. Now that I am an adult and a mother, I am thankful for all the opportunities I had when I was growing up. To reflect back now, I was a horrible teen. If there was trouble, I found it. But I am proud to say that I have never touched a drug...excluding alcohol. I do occasionally drink. I have to say that I reformed a lot since then. No, I change that. I grew up a lot since then.

I'm 31 will be 32 in October. I thought that I was going to have a hard time with that. Actually, its not that bad. Though I did have an epiphany, 30's is the stage that I am going to learn myself, better myself, and love more of myself. Which is why I have been trying to lose weight, gain better knowledge of the care of my skin, and in a nutshell learning how to better myself. Which this blog helps me a lot. The more I write, the more I learn.

When I turned 18, I met this HAWT guy that I am still with 13 years later. He is in the Army. So, I am very proud to say that I am in love with a soldier. Another reason for me wanting to learn more about myself is because with his job he is NEVER home. I want to be able to adjust to this and not lose myself in trying to maintain my household while he is gone.

One thing about me is that my faith is very important. God is one number in my life. I try to be what he wants to me to be. I have to be honest though I feel that your walk with God is personal. You will not hear me preaching to you about God but I believe that the way I live should reflect my walk. People can talk all they want but living accordingly is more inspiring to me. Don't get me wrong. I talk about the goodness of God all the time. I will also talk about my blessings. I am proud of my faith and will not hide that.

Another aspect of my life that I am proud of is my children. I can talk you to death about my kids. I am blessed with 4 of the most beautiful and intelligent children. They are my amazing little people to me. As you can see I will share my story of my Angel to anyone that will listen. The reason I do this is because there maybe someone out there that has gone through the same thing I have but didn't walk away in there right mind. Still lost without their babies. I still cry but now I can cry and then remember that I have a special angel looking out for me. Then after being told I may not have any more children to be blessed with 3 more, To me that is a story worth telling.

If you follow my blog on a regular, you know that I have a tendency of being naive when it comes to friendships. It has gotten to the point that I shy away from friends all together in fear of being hurt. I am the type of person that feels that I need to befriend the unfriended...SHHH!!! Let me make up my own words here for a minute. I can be loud and boisterous but for the most part I am shy and very cautious of others feeling's forgetting about my own. Well you know what happens in the end. People take my kindness for weakness. I get upset and I put up more walls. Well no more of that. If you cant not place my feelings where I place your feelings then you are not worthy of my friendship. Point blank. I realize that God put me on this earth with the mindset of me being a fixer. I just have to remember that I cant fix it all. Dont get me wrong, I do have some great friends but the are limited to a close circle but I have opened my heart to finding new and amazing friends.

Here I go again getting long winded. So I will end it for now and talk to you about my other three children. Hope you enjoy these...LOL. I took me a few days to write this because I didnt know what to say about myself.

Friday, August 28, 2009

Conversation between father and son

So, I am over here on the computer and my husband and son are doing there ritual hangout Friday's. Well watching T.V., my son says "Daddy, someone kissed my hand today." My husband asked him who kissed his hand. My son turned and said some girl in his class. She wants to be my girlfriend. My husband told him he didnt need a girlfriend right now because he needs to concentrate on school. My 6 yr old first grader told his daddy that he didn't want a new girlfriend right now. He already had two a long time ago in Kindergarten. My husband then asked him if he knew what girlfriends meant. My son said matter of factly, " Uh yeah, thats when you like a girl, take them on dates, and hold hands. Since that statement silenced my husband, all my husband could say is you really dont need 2 girlfriends at once. They keep you busy. My son said "Yeah, I know. I know."

What in the devil. This child is 6 years old. What the heck does he know about girlfriend and boyfriend. Lawd, I have a long road ahead of me.

Soon as I heard this conversation, I HAD to post it.

A lil more about me....My children! will get a lil sad but good read

Bare with me on this one. Its kinda personal and probably take a few tissues to get through. I have 4 children. I have a 8yr old Angel, a 6 yr old, and my 3 year old divas. I always said my children are my testimony of some of the things that I been through. When they say that God loves you and is better to you than any man, I will say have to say AMEN. I cant claim to be the best Christian out there. I know I am not. I know God and I have a praying relationship with him but I cuss, I fuss, I dont even go to church like I should. But despite it all he loves me. I am not trying to preach to you. Most who know me knows that I will not push my faith down your throat but I will let you know that I wouldn't be where I am if God wasn't by my side. OK OK OK!!!! On with the story

If you read my last blog you know that I got married back in 2000. Soon as I got married, I got pregnant (honeymoon baby. TMI I know). I have to be honest, my pregnancies were always pretty easy. I loved being pregnant mostly. Up to the third trimester of my pregnancies, I get HUGE. Which makes me so uncomfortable and then I am READY to get them babies out. Well skipping through all that. I went to labor with my first son. I was 41 wks and later that morning I was schedule to be induced. So I just headed to the hospital. Once I laid down, they did the normal monitoring. At this point, the nurses are running in and out of my room. They are saying nothing to me. They nervous and I knew that something was wrong. Well finally the nurse said Mrs. XXXX we can't find a heartbeat and we have to go get your Doctor. At that moment I knew what it meant but something kept me strong. I didn't cry. I didn't scream. Actually come to think of it I didn't move. They were still running back and forth getting all the fancy U.S. equipment and everything but still I couldn't move. I looked at my husband and his expression on his face was heart breaking. Then all of a sudden, I turn to my husband and said. He is gone. He said "Dana stay positive, he may be ok." Some calm cam over me and I just knew. I mean in my head I was freaking out. WHAT???? MY BABY IS GONE!!!! I just felt him kicking me. I just went to my Dr. Appt the day before, he was fine. Not only was he sounding fine, he was measuring to be a healthy BIG baby.

Now to rewind for a quick moment, let me tell you what happened just a week prior. I had two incidents that were signs of something but I didn't realize until after Mikey passed. First incident....I had a dream that I had my baby but my mother in law would not let me see my baby. I begged and begged but she would not let me see MY baby. I remember waking up with a feeling that I had been crying all night (If that makes sense).

Now, I will tell you I believe in Angels, ghosts or what ever you want to call it. With that being said, I went shopping a few days later with my brother and mother. They took me shopping so I could walk and maybe put me in labor. Then all of a sudden, I could smell this STRONG odor of High Karate cologne. Some of you younger ladies may not know what it smells like but let me tell you its not a pretty smell. I would say its on the same level of going to Rite Aid and buying some Old English. Anyway, I kept asking my mother and brother did they smell it. They kept looking at me like I was a fool. I had them smelling and sniffing the air but they didn't smell it. My deceased grandfather wore High Karate. He would always joke that we didn't know nothing about the good stuff. It was like the scent of this cologne was following me. I was sniffing my mother and brother. I walked in different stores thinking it was someone passing by from the previous store. But this scent was following me. It was driving me crazy. I kept telling my mother and brother I smelt Grandpa. I know you can imagine the looks they gave me because they didn't smell it. Then all of a sudden the smell left. No more smell. I just dropped it and headed to the food court. A big preggie woman HAD to eat right.

Now fast forward back to the hospital...I didn't lose you yet did I.

Well finally, the doctor told me "Dana, I am so very sorry to tell you but your baby didn't make it. Since we don't know when and how, the safest way to deliver your child is to induce your labor to try to speed it along and you have him naturally." So, this woman just stood there and told me that I had to go through the motions, and deliver my baby boy knowing he has passed. Finally, My husband called all our family to break the news. I have to be honest this was one of the most heart breaking moments in my life. Everyone came and was there with us for 17 and half hours waiting for their cousin, nephew, grandson, neighbor, grandchild of a employee to arrive. My pastor and some church family came to pray with me. It was very refreshing to have all the people there with me because I knew that my calm was going to break sooner or later. People were in and out my room all day. They would come in the room with smiles just trying to keep me calm. Then later I would find out that they would leave out and go to the grieving waiting room and break down.

I was still OK but finally it was time to push and I broke down. Part of me wanted him to stay inside me. I felt like he was safe in there. Part of me wanted to meet my baby. I had all kinds of emotions running through. Before my pushing was really active, Nurse came in to talk about arrangements. Gosh, I didnt want to talk about that. All my options, naming him, baptizing him, burial and etc. Then she finally warned me that he may not look very good. He may not look like a normal baby since we still don't know what happened, it was no telling what to expect. After A LOT of breakdowns from my family, My baby boy, Michael was here. He was beautiful. I am not just saying that neither. I know that newborn babies are not cute. My other 3 werent cute. They were lil prume face babies. When I tell you he was beautiful, he was beautiful. He was perfect. 10 fingers, 10 toes, head full of hair, 10lbs 5 ozs of gorgeous baby. The nurses and doctors came in to talk to me and informed me that they were going to clean him up and I could have as much free time as I wanted with him. Well, I dressed him, kissed, and introduced him to my family. He looked like he was a sleeping baby. Nothing weird or scary about him. He was a big ole chubby baby. He came into this world as a toddler, I always tell people.

I don't know what came over me but I finally said Mikey its time for you to go home with Grandpa. I am OK and I love you dearly. I don't know where that came from. But at that moment I knew that smell was my grandfather telling me that he was there with us through this. Everyone left the room and I sang to him and said my final goodbyes.

The next 3 days were hell. I mean I came to the hospital with a baby and went home empty handed. I finally broke. I cried and cried. I questioned God. I questioned the Devil. Why did they want MY baby. By this time, my grandmother came to town. This is the grandmother of my decreased grandpa. What humbled me and let God guide me is when she called one of her sisters on the phone to talk to me. My Grand Aunt told me that God needed him. He was too prefect for this world and he had to go home. She told me to depend on my faith. She told me God never takes something from you with out blessing you with something else. She said he is going to bless you with twins next time. I was like OK and blew it off (remember I told you that I have 3 yr old twins) Mind you at this point my faith was being tested. But I did, I prayed and I prayed. I finally had his home going service. It was one of the hardest things that I could ever do. I didnt want to leave that gravesite. I did not want to leave my baby, my first born.

Now Tuesday was my son's funeral and my husband had to leave to go out of town the next day. He was starting a new job and his training was in Connecticut. We were living in Maryland at the time. He told me he would stay but I knew he may have needed that time to just....grieve alone like he wanted to. The whole time he wouldn't cry in front of me. He didn't want to hurt me byshowing me what he felt was weakness.

I wont go into more details about it but that April. The week before Easter was the hardest time for me. It tested me. I thought I was going to lose my mind but here I am. I dont think I am too crazy :)

Ok, I know this all leads you with the question of what happened to Mikey. I don't know. No one knows. When I said my final goodbyes he was suppose to go for an autospy to find out. Well later the next day, the funeral home called and asked if we decided to not to get the autospy because there is no signs of one being preformed. By this time, he was at the funeral home. The hospital and the doctor called and asked him I wanted him shipped back to the hospital to have it preformed. I told them no. I couldnt bare the thought of my child not being laid to rest and being transported back and forth. I think that's why Michael Jackson death was so disturbing to me. LAY THE MAN TO REST. Well there were issues with law suits and everything but finally I didnt care about it anymore and I let it all go. Only thing it was doing was hurting me more. I couldnt go through it anymore. So til this day, I dont know what happened. I honestly believe God did that on purpose.

All I want to remember is my beautiful baby boy....

Next post will be about trying to move on and my next 2 pregnancies. I have to break this up. I will be suprised if anyone reads this to the end. I know it was really long and probably lots of grammatical errors. Sorry Ya'll!!

Thursday, August 27, 2009

My weight loss update

Since I have been sick and my mother coming to town has derailed my weight loss. But I am feeling better for the most part. I think that its time to get the juices flowing again. Find that momentum and get this thing on and popping.

I do not keep a scale in the house because I tend to obsess with it. I'm not sure where I am. I will be working out at home today and tomorrow. I guess I will know something on Wednesday or Thursday.

The next to days I will depend on my weight loss boyfriend, Billy Blanks, Jr. He has a great Cardioke DVD I love. It will get you sweating. I am also going to do my push up and sit ups. I have to get back on the saddle. Have I ever mentioned that I LOVE TRY IT OUT.

Love ya!!!


been gone for a minute....I'mmmmm bacckkkkkk!!

First, My mother came to town and then I get sick. Now, that I am all better I have a question.

Does everyone believe that mineral oil and vaseline is bad for the skin?

Am I the only person left that still uses grease and vaseline?

My hair grows best when I grease and massage my scalp. I also find that vaseline is the best skin moisturizer for me and my family. I know that every one's skin is different. I also when and researched it. I could not find any evidence that it isn't good. I actually found quite the opposite. I even ask stylish. So love it. Some hate it.

People say that it clogs your pores. I have to say that my mother and grandmother have been using vaseline on their faces for years and always are told that they look youthful for their age. I would post a picture but I know they both will kill me.

Keep in mind that I have a kid that is allergic to tree nuts. So Shea butter is officially a no no in my house. So I cant use that time of moisturizer but I do use all the greats: coconut, olive, etc.
Just like the USDA states, Oils should be consumed in moderation. This goes for the hair as well. Remember what goes in the body also means the outside as well. Which is why I don't pile up on NO product. Like the saying goes, To much of a good thing isn't always good. Believe me I have learned the hard way~~~~

I will say I do use only certain grease. I love Keri care Glossifier. I also use TCB hair conditioner and Dr. Miracle's Hot Gro Conditioner. I dont like the REAL heavy stuff during the summer months because its too damn hot. But I will pull out my burgermot when it is cold and my scalp feels like it needs something thicker. I also grease my body with vaseline. I also use vaseline near my smile line and around my eyes.

SO, I guess I am actually saying or asking why is it soooo bad for your hair. Where can I find the facts on this? I am asking because I really sincerely want to know. I know that I am not a freak of nature and not the only one able to still grease my scalp.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

A lil about me-Relationship style

Time to get personal with my bloggies(is that a word?)...

So I have been with my husband for what feels like forever. I love him to pieces though. I met him my first year of college. I was a fresh 18 and he a hot 20. We dated for 4 years and then married in 2000. We have been married for 9 years. I am one of those people that thinks marriage is important.

Yep, we still kiss and hug. Both of us are very affectionate people. I honestly have to say that as the years go by, it honestly gets better. It seems like we are maturing together. Though after all these years, we are still learning each other. When people say people don't change. It's FAR FAR from the truth. We all change in life. Whether its for the good or bad. Some things that we LOVED back in the day is something we will cringe at now. This is why I say that we are still learning each other.

I havent been married all that long but people still ask for marriage advice. I honestly have to say that I have a few tips that will take you far. Remember these are just my opinion. There is sooo soooo much more to marriage. I thought that these few tips were helpful to me.

1. People change, you can't make them change. You just have to able to determine if you are willing to ACCEPT the change.

2. Dont downgrade. Wait wait wait. Listen. Before you were together there were things in your life that you could not tolerate. Now that you have that man or woman, dont downgrade your goals or values for a mate. In the honeymoon stage, you will be able to handle some things because of infactuation (dont get me wrong. I'm not saying that you not in love but in the beginning you tend to be in that goo goo gaw gaw stage) but when that person next to you wear out that honeymoon stage, those things that you accepted for the sake of love will still be there. Then its too late. Feel me?

Example: You are very active in church. That's one thing that means a lot to you. You say well he believes in God but not active in church and thats ok for now. Once those first few years go by, you want him/her to go to church. Then you get all butt hurt because they tell you no to church. They havent gone before and will not go now. Then what? You compromised. Now you have regrets. Talking about how that person changed. They didnt change. What happened is that you settled in the infactuation stage.

3.Everyone cant wait or dont want to wait but I truly believe that you should wait on children. Enjoy and get to know each other before you start your family. AGAIN, everyone dont have that opportunity but if you do WAIT. Once children comes, the focus is off of you as a couple and now focused on US as a family. Time to really bond as a couple becomes harder. Its not impossible but it can be harder.

4. I know we have our best girlfriends but you need to be best friends with your partner. You should be able to talk to each other about anything. You should be able to be as comfortable with your mate as you are with your best friends.

5. Never go to bed angry. Talk it out. Never let that augrument linger on. Sometimes its ok to agree to disagree. In that case, you are agreeing to let it go until you both are ready to talk about me maturely.

6. Dont stop dating. Because you are married doesnt mean you should stop the courting, you need that "US" time. Especially after the kids, you need that time alone. If its just 30 minutes a week, once a month, or whatever suits your lifestyle. Just get that time in.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Scared to return back to the workforce

When I left the workforce, I worked my way up the management chain in retail. When we decided to start our family (husband and I), I wanted to remain home until my youngest goes to school full-time. Well I have about 1.5 years left. This will mean that I be out of the workforce for 8 years. I did go back to school. I have my education behind my name. I also have 10 years of management but its about 8 years prior. I know that is a scary thing for a employer. Especially in times like this. The economy is so shaky.

I have worked part time in the time that I have been a Full time mom. Working per say doesn't scare me. I am actually ready to go back to work but the getting the job scared the heck out of me. I know mothers do it all the time. I also know that returning back to work can be a difficult task. I pulled out my resume. I added my education. Now what??

Yeah, I do have year and a half to go but wow! This is actually scary. Before I go back to a paying job, I decided to volunteer with the Army. They offer many jobs in office setting on a volunteer basis. Well they give you free child care in return. I think that would be a great opportunity to brush up on some of my skills and also allow me to add some updated work experience.

Please forgive me for babbling. I dont know why I am so nervous but I am. Like always I decided to type this fear out. I am a strong believer that if you are worried or depressed about anything, write it down. Pray on it and let it go. For after that you are allowing God to take control. So here goes. God guide me through this. I trust you and I know you will guide me to the right path.

My Ten Not So Guilty Pleasures

No Particular Order

1. Desserts

2. Shopping

3. Facebook

4. Celebrity Gossip Blogs. and

5. Texting. I would text Barack if I had his number

6. Half wigs

7. Flip Flops

8. House Hunting.... Its a pastime

9. Starting hobbies. I say I want to start a hobby but never follow through

10. Perfume. Love it and love buying it

If you are reading this, tag your it.

Monday, August 10, 2009

Addicted to.....

I am not addicted to drugs. No so much with shopping but I am truly addicted to food. I am not one that eats based on emotion. I love food. I love almost all food. Food is like my drug. Going out to eat is even heavenly to me.

What do I do? Admit that I have a problem...

Hello, My name is Dana and I am addicted to food.

Are you a addict?

Do you have a ?

Fixation With Food: You think about food all the time and you are always planning your next sugar high.

The Problem: You've designed your lifestyle around food and make it one of your top priorities.

The Answer: Change your lifestyle to include activities that don't revolve around food. Exercise, for example, is one way to get a similar high as you would from eating sugar.

This is me most of the time. I wake up thinking about food.

Secret Binges. Food addicts often hide food or only binge when they are alone.

The Problem: You're only fooling yourself. You won't win the weight loss battle if you continually sabotage yourself. It's faulty thinking.

The Answer: Eat scheduled meals at the dinner table. Don't keep food in your car, desk or nightstand. Lock your purse in the trunk when you go out so drive-thru restaurants aren't accessible. Find someone who will hold you accountable.

I dont sneak. I eat and dont care who watches.

Eat Until the Food is Gone. Some people were raised to clean their plates and they have a hard time breaking the habit. You lack control to stop eating.

The Problem: Even healthy foods, when consumed in large quantities, pack a lot more calories than your body needs.

The Answer: Put your health first. Prepare meal plans and only eat what is on your plate. Measure foods out ahead of time into single serving packages.

ME ME ME ME!!!!! Small meals all day. It works!!!!

Feeling Guilty. Food addicts tend to feel guilty after indulging in too much of the wrong foods.

The Problem: It can turn into a vicious cycle of feeling bad, overeating, feeling guilty and eating some more.

The Answer: Stop the yoyo dieting cycle. Don't allow yourself to get sucked in by the guilt. Forgive yourself, ask for support and get right back on your program.

I have learned this and it actually works for me.

Soothe Emotions. Typically a food addict will push down unpleasant feelings with food. Not just any food, but comfort foods. Ever have a fight with your mom or spouse and immediately hit the freezer for the container of ice cream? You try to relive the feelings without actually dealing with the problem.

The Problem: Food is a temporary fix. When it wears off you will feel worse and the original problem remains.

The Answer: Tackle problems head-on. Don't let thoughts fester and eat away at you. Deal with your emotions and your relationship problems as they occur so you won't feel the need to use food as your faithful friend.

I dont deal with this issue but I know there are a lot of folks out there that does. I dont eat based on emotion because I am always eating. I have realized since I like to eat all day. Healthy snack and small meals all day is what makes me feel better thaen eating 3 square meals daily.

I am slowly learning that weight loss and education is a hand and hand concept. One of the most important things that I have learned is don't give up favorite foods. Learn moderation. I read labels and learn about some of the ingredients that I eat. If I am what I eat, I want to know what I eating.

Read more:

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Coming out of my friendship shell

My goodness I don't know what is wrong with me but I have the biggest issue with being shy or coming out of my shell. Some people take it as being a snob but it really isn't. I just have issues with rejection. I hate to put myself out there to be hurt. With me that's with everything in life. I avoid things if I feel like I am going to fail, be hurt or plain ole look stupid.

I realized that I have missed out on a lot in life because I always looked for the safe option. With friendship that always have backed fired on me. Its hard for me to sustain friendships just for the simple reason of putting myself out there. I can gain friends easily but to keep them is the hard part. I don't run them away. I just don't work to keep them. I find myself neglecting friendships because I don't know what to do next. It's like OK I got the friend now what do I do with this friendship.

My friends that I talk to on a daily basis are friends that tend to be needy or aggressive. Which is a nightmare for me because I cant handle the needed or overly aggressive. The aggressive friends wont allow me to fall off. They remind me that I need to come out of my shell. The aggressive don't realize that they freak me out because I am trying but the dee-bo effect freaks me the hell out. The needed tend to take and take and take from me until I don't have to patience to give NO more. Dont get me wrong, I have some amazing friends that I have had over the years but they may talk to me quarterly. Not that I don't love them, but I don't want to seem overly aggressive. I don't want to push myself on anyone.

One of my New Years Resolutions was to put myself out there. Here it is August and I have yet to do this. SOOOOOOOOO, yesterday was my revolution. I have to get out. Meet people. Connect with people. Work at friendships like I work at my marriage in a sense.

I just have to remember that everyone isn't meant to be my friend. So its OK to walk away from friendships that just don't work. Its OK to be selective with my friends. Its ok that I just dont click with some. Its OK to say, "Look I love you but damn you need to go home for a little and let me miss you a little." Some of the things I will not do. I hate to hurt people feelings. In turn, I will accept behavior that isnt right or I will be like F you and walk away. I forget that if I dont tell people how I feel they will never know.


5 Reasons To Stay Motivated

5. Looking good in your wardrobe.
Everyone can say what they want but when you are able to fit those jeans in the back of your closet and look good. That is motivation. In this day and age, Vanity is very important to people. Some believe if you feel good, you look good. So Go to the gym to fit in those skinny jeans!!! =)

4. Haters.

Let the haters be motivation. Some of us have people in our corner that don't think we can do it. Well show the haters what you are made of. Now look, I always say be you do what makes you happy. Though, I do have to say sometimes negativity is my motivations.

3.The Opposite Sex.

I have to say that I love losing weight and having my husband take notice. Going to the gym and your sex drive....need I say more. Ok, TMI but motivation is motivation. No matter what some say, it does feel good to have the opposite sex take notice of your beautiful body no matter what size you are.

If you have anything in common with me, I have issues with failure. I hate to fail. I have learned over the years when I see failure in my future, give up before it even happens. One thing that I didn't realize that giving up is failure. I decided to go back to school after 13 years. I will have my A.A. in 2 months. HUGE for me. This week I am putting in my applications for my B.A. All of these are things that I have failed at in the past. Now, I am succeeding. I look at my weight like this as well. I been dealing with weight issues for as long as I can remember. I cant stop because I don't see the light at the end of the tunnel when I am not even at my half way point to see the light in the first place. Make Sense?

1.Your Health
Need I say more. Learning to eat healthy and maintaining will keep us alive.

These are just a few reasons to stay motivated. I have many more reasons but I think I touched base with some of the most common reasons. Its hard to stay motivated on a weight loss journey just because it seems so easy to put the weight on but yet so hard to take it off. Nothing works overnight. REMEMBER YOU HAVE TO WANT TO REALLY DO THIS. IF you are not committed to this journey, don't start now. Wait until YOU are ready. If you are not mentally focused on this weight loss journey, you will never be where you want to be.

Look for inspiration in life. Your motivation may be through friends and family. Some motivation comes from the nay sayers. Motivation may be the lil people you are raising. Remember this is NOT easy but YOU Can do it. If you have a bad day, week or month, dont give up. Take a step back and start all over again. Write your goal down. Post it on the wall where you can read it everyday. Pray on it. We pray on everything else. Pray for your strength and mindset.


Saturday, August 8, 2009

YAY!!! weight loss update

I have lost more weight. I know that I haven't been working out and eating like I should but I must be doing something right. Hopping on that scale felt good. My challenge for the week coming is motivation.

LOL, it was only one lbs but one lbs is still weight loss. I been working out full time for the past three months with the past 2 weeks I have been slacking. My weight loss total is 10 lbs. 3 months and 10 lbs without being 100% is excellent to me!!!

Natural vs. Relaxer Wars...WOW

It was until last night that I didn't realized there were wars out there about which is better. I have to say that it was a little disturbing to me. That one race can fight over something sooo pity. Being black, African American, American, or whatever they call me now, I(that is another debate in itself)find it hard to digest that people are considered less than for decisions that they make about personal choices. Key word PERSONAL!

What's my stance on the each its own. I have lived natural for a few years and I have lived with my straighteners. Do I have a preference? Yes! Will I ever go back and forth between my hair being in its natural state or transition back to my relaxer. Yes, probably will do so for the rest of my life. Does this mean that I am less black? HA! It will never be that easy. I am ALWAYS proud of my heritage. I am proud that I am able to have options for my looks. Will I try to explain why I do what I do with my hair. Nope!! Nor should you.

This is such the slave mentality. Do your research. Back in our slave years, the slave owners did any and everything to break us as people. He tried to even pull us apart as a race. He wanted to dehumanize us. Now, we deal with what complexion is more beautiful, what type of hair is better, and even our speech places barriers in our community.

Black people are beautiful and don't even realize that beauty of our differences. I was teased for years about the size of my nose. It use to bother me. I said that when I was old enough, I was going to get plastic surgery. Then I thought about it. Why? Why should I change something that has been with me my WHOLE life. I realized that my nose is my extension of breath(ha ha) nothing more nothing less. I have to love me the way I am before anyone can love me the way I deserve. Does that mean I think that plastic surgery is wrong. HECK NO! I am getting my tummy tuck. All I'm saying is that I cant make people happy if I am not happy in myself. I have to find comfort in me.

Weaves, braids, natural, relaxers all are vanity issues. This is something that makes the individual feel good. It is not a definition of who were are. It shouldn't dictate who we are. Look at Michael Jackson, He changed the outside without working on the inside. This sent him to his grave. Learn to love yourself! You may even like who you are. You may even learn something about you. If you don't like who you are, change it but change it because its not WHAT you want.

It took years for this barrier to be built and will take years for us to overcome.

Again, I don't write my blogs for the purpose of others. I just feel blessed that one or two even read it. I write this for myself. My grammar sucks and sometimes my thoughts are jumbled. I write these for self-help and if I reach one or two others and help them I feel that God has blessed me to share my story.. whatever it may be for that day. I live, learn, and blog about it.

Thursday, August 6, 2009


I've made mistakes in my life. I've let people take advantage of me and I've accepted way less than I deserve. But I've learned from my bad choices and even though there are some things I can never get back and people who will never be sorry, I'll know better next time and, trust, it won't happen again.

My Skin Care

I need to find someone that can cornrow. I suck!!!!! I have been keeping my hair braided up and wearing my preventative styles. Not bad so far. I oil my hair and do pre-poos. I dont have issues with it growing. It will grow. Too fast if you ask me. I have huge issues with it being dry. The side effect of being dry is shedding. The pre-pooing is working a lot. All I do is use a cheap conditioner with a oil mixture. I sleep in it over night with a plastic cap. Then wash and condition the next morning. After that I sit under the dryer with a oiled scalp. I can't forget that I apply my protein and moisturizer. I braid it and throw on my half wigs.

At first, I have my relaxers out from 6-8 weeks to 12-16 weeks. Since I am cornrowing my hair, I have stretched out relaxers even further since I am braiding my hair up.

As for my skin care, UGHHHHH!!! I am getting soooo frustrated. The older I get the more products irritates my skin. I have realized that strong doses of Salicylic Acid is to harsh for my face. I did buy a REALLY expensive soap thinking that would work lovely on my skin. Well, I had to deal with a burning face for the whole weekend and my face looked inflamed. Ok, you can stop laughing now. After getting my face back together, I LOVE the skin tone but using that stuff for 2 days burned the hell out of my skin. Let me tell you my face was on fire but my complexion seems to be more even now. Most Black woman deal with uneven tone, This stuff seemed to do what it was meant to do but it was just too strong for my face. I cant remember the name of it. I have to run upstairs and see. I will get back atcha with that one.

I still take my vitamins and drink my water. I am still having issues with getting my protein in. I have to find a protein shake that is good to my taste buds. Man, that stuff is gross. Any suggestions?????

Ok, well I better go I have two more post to catch up and then I am done for the day.

See ya in a minute. I like to make multiple posting to make it easier on the eyes.

Weight- Loss update

Hello again,

I will be posting a few different post today to catch up with my blogging. I have been going to the gym like I want to lately but I have been mindful of what I been eating. I will begin back in the gym full time tomorrow. All my kids will be back in school and I will be done with all the prep work.

During the summer, I worked out Monday through Saturday for about an hour. I did about 30 minutes cardio and 30 minutes weight training. This will continue while school begins but I will have to cut it down to Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. Since my hubby is leaving soon, I have to work out when the kids are in school. The girls are only part time so I work out around their schedule.

I go to the gym ALONE. I have a reason for that. One I don't know anyone dedicated around me to go on a regular basis. Also, I don't want to depend on going with someone else. If I depend on a partner, what happens when they cant go or flake out on me. I don't want an excuse for me to stop going. I have learned to just go solo. I gained this weight alone and I am losing the same way. Not saying that I dont love the motivation. All the blogs and websites are wonderful and help me when I want to give up. I am very thankful for all the new friends that I have found during my journey.

Sooooooooo, Tomorrow the gym and weigh-in. Wish me luck!!!!

The only journey is the journey within.
...Rainer Maria Rilke

Celebrity weight-loss match up

I borrowed this idea from a fellow blogger. I loved this idea so I decided to do it for myself. Sooooo here goes...

I dont have a desire to be skinny. I just want to be healthy and toned. My head is too doggone big to be skinny.

For my arms: I want to take it back to Angela Bassett in Whats love got to do it with it. That sistah had some bangin arms!

Flixster - Share Movies

For my legs:


Serena Williams legs are huge and spectacular.

I want to keep my big legs! I just want to tone them.

Stomach: Ok reality is that I need surgical help with my stomach. 4 babies, 2 c-sections, and a hernia repair later my stomach is all tore up! But I still work on it. My wish list for that one is when my girl Janet is touring. We all know that she deals with weight issues like the rest of us but when she gets back on stage her stomach game is tight.

My progress update is next.......

Tuesday, August 4, 2009


I haven't been blogging so much lately. Reason why you ask? Well my lover boy is on vacation and I have been enjoying time with him. He's in the Army and about to leave for a while. I want to enjoy him for as much as I can before he has to go.

I been doing OK with weight loss effects but I could be doing better. I am working on getting back on track. I have to say that I been trying on some old clothes and was able to get in them. Being able to button a pair of old pants makes a girl blush let me tell you. My hair care efforts are going well also....I have to get an update on that was well...

Then I realized that school is starts back THIS week. My baby is in the first grade. Well not my baby, he's my oldest. Always be my baby though. I am so proud of him. Not only proud of him but also the twins. I cant believe how fast they are growing. It seems like it was just yesterday that I was begging my doctor to have them. Now, they are talking, walking, and being lil Divas. Let me tell you chilllle, I am not ready for this. 3 year old girls going on 33.

Well I just wanted to do a mini update. I will be back at this very soon. I have to write a blog about my allergic reaction to my new facial wash. It is a story that will make you laugh. This getting old thing is for the birds. The older I get more I become allergic to.

But anyway, I hope that ya'll enjoying your week so far.

Remember that you have a purpose. Don't let anyone get in your way. Dont forget you have one of the greatest super powers...PRAYER. Dont be afraid of it. Sometimes it's all we have. I have my faults, Lord knows I have my faults but one thing I can always fall on is my faith.

Talk to you soon!!!