Saturday, August 15, 2009

A lil about me-Relationship style

Time to get personal with my bloggies(is that a word?)...

So I have been with my husband for what feels like forever. I love him to pieces though. I met him my first year of college. I was a fresh 18 and he a hot 20. We dated for 4 years and then married in 2000. We have been married for 9 years. I am one of those people that thinks marriage is important.

Yep, we still kiss and hug. Both of us are very affectionate people. I honestly have to say that as the years go by, it honestly gets better. It seems like we are maturing together. Though after all these years, we are still learning each other. When people say people don't change. It's FAR FAR from the truth. We all change in life. Whether its for the good or bad. Some things that we LOVED back in the day is something we will cringe at now. This is why I say that we are still learning each other.

I havent been married all that long but people still ask for marriage advice. I honestly have to say that I have a few tips that will take you far. Remember these are just my opinion. There is sooo soooo much more to marriage. I thought that these few tips were helpful to me.

1. People change, you can't make them change. You just have to able to determine if you are willing to ACCEPT the change.

2. Dont downgrade. Wait wait wait. Listen. Before you were together there were things in your life that you could not tolerate. Now that you have that man or woman, dont downgrade your goals or values for a mate. In the honeymoon stage, you will be able to handle some things because of infactuation (dont get me wrong. I'm not saying that you not in love but in the beginning you tend to be in that goo goo gaw gaw stage) but when that person next to you wear out that honeymoon stage, those things that you accepted for the sake of love will still be there. Then its too late. Feel me?

Example: You are very active in church. That's one thing that means a lot to you. You say well he believes in God but not active in church and thats ok for now. Once those first few years go by, you want him/her to go to church. Then you get all butt hurt because they tell you no to church. They havent gone before and will not go now. Then what? You compromised. Now you have regrets. Talking about how that person changed. They didnt change. What happened is that you settled in the infactuation stage.

3.Everyone cant wait or dont want to wait but I truly believe that you should wait on children. Enjoy and get to know each other before you start your family. AGAIN, everyone dont have that opportunity but if you do WAIT. Once children comes, the focus is off of you as a couple and now focused on US as a family. Time to really bond as a couple becomes harder. Its not impossible but it can be harder.

4. I know we have our best girlfriends but you need to be best friends with your partner. You should be able to talk to each other about anything. You should be able to be as comfortable with your mate as you are with your best friends.

5. Never go to bed angry. Talk it out. Never let that augrument linger on. Sometimes its ok to agree to disagree. In that case, you are agreeing to let it go until you both are ready to talk about me maturely.

6. Dont stop dating. Because you are married doesnt mean you should stop the courting, you need that "US" time. Especially after the kids, you need that time alone. If its just 30 minutes a week, once a month, or whatever suits your lifestyle. Just get that time in.


1 comment:

BEAUTIQUE said...

I am going to remember these tips...they are good ones. Thanks for the advice.