Tuesday, September 1, 2009

This is for one of my blog friends....friends can be toxic!!!

Last month I had to cut a friend loose because I realized that the relationship was toxic. It was an easy friendship. Heck, she lived 4 doors down and our children were the same age. I am sooo not the clingy type. So I made a point to go into this relationship laying this out on the table. You don't need to talk to me everyday. We don't need to be on the phone everyday. We definitely don't need to be at each other's home everyday. I wasnt trying to be mean but I could see that her personality going there. No let me rephase that. If I was coming home from the store, I couldnt get out my car good before her and her family was right there wanting to talk and conversate. She would text me asking what was I doing and where was I. Now to me thats a bit much. I like to talk to my friends and the whole nine but I believe in space. There has to be a division between friendships and personal/family time. That may not be for everyone but I am a type of person that family time is a must and I will not deviate from that.

Anyway, I realize that she was fascinated in gorgeous people. Meaning she would sit and talk about how gorgeous her friends were. I have nothing against that but its kinda odd to me that you are fascinated with someone that much. Everyone displays some sort of beauty to me. That's just my opinion. Then I realize that it was being categorized who was trash and who wasnt in the neighborhood. I was guilty of going back and forth with it. I cant lie I got caught up in the gossip. For some reason gossip can be reallllll entertaining. Then I realized everything I did or said, she had to do or out do. I told my husband that it bothered me because I try to be different. I prefer to standout than be grouped. He told me that I should feel good because that is considered the greatest form of admiration. Look you can keep that because I dont like it. Dont do what I do or do what what you think I would do. Be you. You are your own person. I will definately be me.

Well then the gossip got worse. She would sit on her porch with other neighbors and gossip about everything. At this point, I had to put that good ole saying into place. If they will talk about someone to you, they will about about you to someone. So I decided that my personal life was private. I would tell her stuff about me that I could care less who knew. Then she started leaving that gossip on my facebook and myspace. Shhhhhh! Yes, I did entertain it. Remember I told you I would got caught up in that mess. But come on. I was like wait a minute, this is not me and I do not want this type of mess on websites looking like that is the opidome of myself. So finally I told her I didnt want to know the gossip or was I going to entertain it. She laughed it off. It stopped for a while but the I am better than everyone else and guuurlll let me tell you what happened to so and so started back up.

One day I just pulled up to the neighborhood and she told me about how my neighbor was doing blah blah blah. She then said that she knew a relative of the neighbor was on myspace and she was going to email her what was being said. Mind you she didnt know this chick from Tom, Dick or Harry. I tried to be her friend and told her to leave that mess alone. I told her she was starting mess.

Well anyway I go on my facebook account and I see a paragraph about her emailing and all the nonsense. I was like WOW! A chick dont know how to mind her business. This was out of my league. I again told her that she needed to mind her business. I said if you were emailing me and I didnt know you and you was talking that gossip SH@t I would tell you to mind your business but I KNOW the ghetto would have came out of me.

Now get this!!! She returned by saying that I was lucky to have my own porch.


We live in townhouses. My townhouse has its own porch because its a four bedroom. All the two and three bedrooms have to share a porch.


She then told me that I was lucky that I had my own porch because I didnt have to hear gossip. She said that she had to share a porch and they gossip and she is not going to be a prisoner in her own house.

(here comes my attitude)

1. Dont start in the conversations if you are offended by it.
2. Tell them to dont talk to you about nonsense.
3. You have a Huge front yard and a HUGE back yard. You dont have to be around the people.

As a friend, I told her that she needed to stay out of it.


If you are not familiar with the military lifestyle. I will try to explain this real quick for you. In the military, you dont have a personal life per say. If you start trouble or get in trouble, your Commander (boss) will be notified. Meaning if she is starting B.S. with someone, they can go to her husband's commander and complain that his dependent (because thats what we are Military dependents) is a troublemaker. Either the commander can ignore it or they can act on it and reprimand the soldier. Dont get me wrong its not that hardcore all the time. It's just that it's a opinion for someone to do. Its one of the ugly things about being in the military. Not everyone goes around calling your Commander but its an option.


I told her that she needed to stay out of it because she was being a trouble making and she didnt need somebody going to her husband job about being a trouble making. She said well I am not sorry for what I did and would do it again. Finally I said I dont want to talk about it no more. I dont want to be apart of the nonsense. Then I deleted that mess off of my facebook. Facebook is suppose to be fun not drama filled. Well anyway I said I cant do this relationship. It's toxic and she was toxic. Now she is to the point of imaturity. Example: all the neighborhood kids were out playing and she would offer all the kids popsicles besides my three. Mind you my children has no idea what is going on between me and her. Children shouldnt be in that mess. It took all that was in me to not go up to her and tell her what was on my mind about that immature stuff. But I inhaled and got them their own popsicles. I dont need that mess. Now mind you during our friendship she only allowed her kids to play with mine because she didnt like anyone else in the neighborhood. So now her kids are looking out the window wondering why they cant play with my children anymore. CRAZY?? I know! Oh well she is only hurting herself and the kids.

I cant hold a grudge if it counted on my life. Now, I will not allow myself to be her friend anymore but I am over her mess. So while she is mad and being simple, we are outside doing our thing like nothing has even happened. Life goes on.



Your right some friends are toxic. And I don't believe she said that about your lucky you have your own porch(the nerve of her). And lastly, she was immature. Reminds me of Keisha and Pam. LOL Thanks for this post girl.

proudarmywife said...

I TOTALLY can relate. As a matter of fact I think we might be talking about the same person here...life is too short to deal with that kinda mess...hope it is getting better for you!