Saturday, December 4, 2010

Dinner Table Advice

Well I thought my last post was my last but I NEEDED to do this post....I think I shall call it my Dinner Table Advice time. I like the new title. You know how you get the best advice at the kitchen table among friends... well here goes.

Disclaimer: This is my personal opinion. By no means is this intended to be used as professional consulting. This is just a friendly... Girlfriend, I need your advice topic!!!

Well, I got a email the other day asking for my opinion. I will not write out the whole email but I will share some of the key points, what was asked and then chime in on my opinion and thoughts.

Thank you for emailing me and I hope that this helps you.

My blog reader asked what should she do able a relationship that she is in. She is happily married but there was a time in her marriage that things were not so great. Her and her husband seperated during that time. It was brief but during that time she started dating someone. They were pretty serious but the "boyfriend" had a lot of loose ends that he needed to deal with. With that she left the relationship. Then finally after a lot of help and talking, her and her husband got back together.

Now here is the issue....When her and her husband got back together, the boyfriend got hisself together and asked her to marry him. He didnt know that she got back with the husband (they didnt speak for a while). She told him no. Then moved on. But the problem is that the ex-boyfriend comes back in her life every so often wanting to be friends but he doesnt make the just friends that easy. After a while of being friends, he tells her that he is still in love and blah blah blah. She stops the friendship but it seems like they always go back through the same cycle of this for the past 4 years. Well now he is married as well. He still reminds her that he is in love with her....yep even with the new wife.  She said that they havent been intimate at all. This was stressed

On with the question, she said that he was a huge part of her life when she was going through tough times with her husband. She also stated that the "ex's" friendship is great until he starts back up with the loving her issues. So her question to me is what to do.

Simple answer may be a hard task but what you need to do, hunny, is leave his ass alone. Good friendship or not, leave me alone. You are married. He is married. If he wanted to be with you, he would have been with you, years ago. He wouldnt have married and he wouldnt disrepect your marriage. Yes, I believe that he talking about loving and wanting you back is disrespectful. This relationship has a past, which one of you cant seem to get pass the past. While now, its time to leave that past in the past. Would you want your husband in the same situation?? Something to think about. I hope that helps.

I think that things always happen for a reason. If you were meant to be together, you would have been. I am going to assume that since this behavior makes you uncomfortable that you love your husband. If that is the case, respect that and try to work on a special friendship with your husband. I think that you may be leading the ex on by being friends (in a way) he thinks that their may be a change to do whatever he has planned when you continue contact. Just leave it alone.


Denise34 said...

Hmmm very interesting discussion. I truly hope that she does leave the friendship alone, b/c often times when people separate most don't get back together, and she is blessed that her and her husband found a way back to each other, and apparently that means they both love eachother, so the mere fact that he keeps saying he is still in love with her means he still has issues b/c he has a new wife, so either he is in love with the option of wanting her, or because she turned him down he has to see what opportunity to they have. My opinion is if he was in love with her so much why go and marry someone else!!!

Mom.Wife.Me said...

Exactly Denise! Thank you for chiming in on this. I strongly believe that she should cherish what she has because God doesnt make mistakes. I didnt even think about the reasoning why the ex is doing what he is doing but its selfish! GREAT insight! Thanks again for reading!!