Another blog inspired me to write this.
I remember when Mikey first passed, all I did was pray to God to let him visit me in my dreams. It made me feel like I was closer to him. He did come to me every day. There were times that I was stressed and didn't feel like getting up out of bed. All of a sudden a calming effect came over me like he was there with me. I have many dreams of him coming to me in my dreams telling me that he loves me, giving me kisses, and telling me not to cry because he is ok.
But one day, I had a dream that hurt my feelings so. He came to me and told me that he loved me but he had to let me move on. He wasn't going to visit me as much. He said that he was always there for me and when I needed him he just call his name. I woke up in tears. I felt like my baby is leaving me all over again. I wanted to wake up everyone morning with sweet dreams of my son.It took me a while to comprehend why he stopped visiting. Then finally I realized that he was allowing me to grow. He wanted me to move forward. I always thought that if I moved forward. I was leaving him behind. He is and will always be my baby. So leaving him behind was a thought that I didn't want to consider.
After that night, I didn't have any more dreams. He didn't visit me. Some may say I am crazy but I believe in Angels and I believe that he did visit me. I cried for weeks. I couldn't believe the direction that my life was taking me. I couldn't think of going on with out my son. I didn't want to go on with out my son. Then months and months later, I had a dream. He said mommy I will always be here but you have to live your life. Live your life but keep my memory strong. God will ease your heart.
A year went by and still no more dreams. By this time Matthew as here. And one day Michael and I had some place to go and we knew we were going to be late because Matthew hated that swing. Well that one day he sat in that swing and stared off in a corner just a giggling and laughing. He was bout 4 or 5 months. I don't know what was going on but what ever it was it was VERY funny. Michael and I kept looking in that corner like we were going to see what Matthew was laughing at. Knowing that we weren't going to see. Michael called out "Thank you Mikey. He is a handsome boy isnt it".
From that moment on, I realized that he said he will always be with me and he is. He still doesn't come to me in my dreams much. I do have a dream or two around his birthday, 8 years later. I still have moments like this where I cry and miss him dearly. I also remember that he will always be there with me even if its just in spirit. I see his face everyday when I look at his sister. That little girl is the spitting image of her brother. I talk to his siblings about him. They know that they have a angel brother that is waiting on us.
Tell your loved ones that you love them. You can never tell them too much. You will never know when it may be your last chance.