Saturday, December 11, 2010

Visitor question: How do you handle your husband always being gone? Dont you get lonely?

My husband and our 3 children. I LOVE this picture!

Another question in my email. Sorry it took me so long to reply.

How do you handle your husband always being gone? Dont you get lonely?

Thank you for the question. I hope that you decide to press that follow button and become a friend. During deployment times such as this, I LOVE new friends. :)

Anyway, I will give you a little background and then answer the question. My husband and I have been together for 15 years. Yep, I have been with this man since I was 18 years old. In those 15 years, there have been times that he had to go and take care of business. Even when he wasnt in the Army, work would take him away for corporate sponsored trainings and meetings.

But the longest he has had to be gone is associated with the Army. It's hard to say "See ya when you get back". Anytime my husband has to go that means that he has to miss out on something; birthdays, anniversaries, sports, holidays, and etc. That is really hard on him. But what motivates us through the 12 months is God, love, Skype, care packages, phone calls, and busy time. I also found that I have to keep myself business. Less time to think about all the time he is gone the better.

I have a lot of heart to hearts talks with God. You know if you listen, he does answer.

The love I have for my husband gets stronger every deployment or time away. It reminds me how much I really love that man. His bad habits really doesnt seem to be that bad. I can deal with the sock issue a lot easier than a deployment. I also let myself cry. I am strong but I also have feelings. There are times that I need a good snotting it up cry. It helps me. Once that cry is over, then its time for me to get back on my grind. It is also the love that we have for our children. Those little monsters need me and my husband to be strong. Its hard enough for them to see or hear my husband and I lose it.

I dont know about everyone but care packages help both me and my husband. They make me feel good to send them and it makes him feel good receiving them. He claims that I dont have to send so many boxes but when one arrives he is like a child on Christmas. I send cookies, snacks, microwaveable meals, favorite items, pictures, art work. I send anything that I believe will brighten up his day. I also sign him up for all the programs I can find that support the soldiers. He LOVES the letters that the children sends thanking him for his service.

Skype and phone calls, These are wonderful. We have every IM service you can think of and its just a way to see  or hear each other voices. Sometimes it's only for 10 minutes but it is such a morale booster.

Last but not least, It takes maturity. You have to be mature to get through these times. You have to realize that what your spouse is doing is his or her job. There will be times that you have to share him or her with the world but that's his or her job. Its not fun at all but you have to be in a mature mind set. You have to allow yourself to feel all the emotions that comes with them being gone but you also have to be able to handle/control those emotions.

People always say that the military destroy marriages. I dont believe that. I believe that marriages are formed for the wrong reason and deployments and such makes people realize it. What do I mean??

One Scenario:

Well you will see a 18 year old marry his or her mate because during boot camp they were lonely and didnt like that feeling. They rush in to that marriage. No counseling. No discussion about their career. Marriage isnt based on love alone. It takes a lot more. That a lot more will help people discover whether its love or a lot of like. So then they deploy, all that time alone they realize that they are missing out on life. They are putting their life on hold for someone they just like. Then thats when the issues surface. NOT TO SAY THAT ALL MARRIAGES ARE LIKE THAT BUT THEY ARE OUT THERE. Shoot they dont even have to be young. Its all about maturity and patience. If  you dont have neither, you will struggle.

Ok, this post is long enough! I hope that I answered your question. 

No comments: