Is it ok to be best friends with an Ex??

This was the subject on the radio the other day. Is it OK for you or your mate to be best friends with an Ex.

In my situation, I don't see the point in being BEST friends with any of my ex's. My husband is my best friend. He honestly is. I believe that a spouse should be in best friend status. That's why we made the commitment of marriage. We are friends and lovers; the total package.  I have my Bff's but my ride or die is my husband.

What about you? Why or why not?

Visitor question: How do you handle your husband always being gone? Dont you get lonely?

My husband and our 3 children. I LOVE this picture!

Another question in my email. Sorry it took me so long to reply.


How do you handle your husband always being gone? Dont you get lonely?


Thank you for the question. I hope that you decide to press that follow button and become a friend. During deployment times such as this, I LOVE new friends. :)

Anyway, I will give you a little background and then answer the question. My husband and I have been together for 15 years. Yep, I have been with this man since I was 18 years old. In those 15 years, there have been times that he had to go and take care of business. Even when he wasnt in the Army, work would take him away for corporate sponsored trainings and meetings.

But the longest he has had to be gone is associated with the Army. It's hard to say "See ya when you get back". Anytime my husband has to go that means that he has to miss out on something; birthdays, anniversaries, sports, holidays, and etc. That is really hard on him. But what motivates us through the 12 months is God, love, Skype, care packages, phone calls, and busy time. I also found that I have to keep myself business. Less time to think about all the time he is gone the better.

I have a lot of heart to hearts talks with God. You know if you listen, he does answer.

The love I have for my husband gets stronger every deployment or time away. It reminds me how much I really love that man. His bad habits really doesnt seem to be that bad. I can deal with the sock issue a lot easier than a deployment. I also let myself cry. I am strong but I also have feelings. There are times that I need a good snotting it up cry. It helps me. Once that cry is over, then its time for me to get back on my grind. It is also the love that we have for our children. Those little monsters need me and my husband to be strong. Its hard enough for them to see or hear my husband and I lose it.

I dont know about everyone but care packages help both me and my husband. They make me feel good to send them and it makes him feel good receiving them. He claims that I dont have to send so many boxes but when one arrives he is like a child on Christmas. I send cookies, snacks, microwaveable meals, favorite items, pictures, art work. I send anything that I believe will brighten up his day. I also sign him up for all the programs I can find that support the soldiers. He LOVES the letters that the children sends thanking him for his service.

Skype and phone calls, These are wonderful. We have every IM service you can think of and its just a way to see  or hear each other voices. Sometimes it's only for 10 minutes but it is such a morale booster.

Last but not least, It takes maturity. You have to be mature to get through these times. You have to realize that what your spouse is doing is his or her job. There will be times that you have to share him or her with the world but that's his or her job. Its not fun at all but you have to be in a mature mind set. You have to allow yourself to feel all the emotions that comes with them being gone but you also have to be able to handle/control those emotions.

People always say that the military destroy marriages. I dont believe that. I believe that marriages are formed for the wrong reason and deployments and such makes people realize it. What do I mean??

One Scenario:

Well you will see a 18 year old marry his or her mate because during boot camp they were lonely and didnt like that feeling. They rush in to that marriage. No counseling. No discussion about their career. Marriage isnt based on love alone. It takes a lot more. That a lot more will help people discover whether its love or a lot of like. So then they deploy, all that time alone they realize that they are missing out on life. They are putting their life on hold for someone they just like. Then thats when the issues surface. NOT TO SAY THAT ALL MARRIAGES ARE LIKE THAT BUT THEY ARE OUT THERE. Shoot they dont even have to be young. Its all about maturity and patience. If  you dont have neither, you will struggle.


Ok, this post is long enough! I hope that I answered your question. 

Can some explain the etiquette of social websites

I dont seem to understand the etiquette of social websites; such as facebook and etc. I have friends from high school, friends I met along the way in life, some marketing networking and such on my friends list. I am a little conscience on who I add to my page. If you request my friendship and I dont know you, I will be a little kick-picky on whether I will accept that request. I will not just add if you want to JUST increase your friend's list. I mean marketing certain services are different. If you have a business and you are looking to expand your marketing through facebook and its not against who I am, sure why not. Does that make sense? That is not the point of this blog so I will get to the point. 

What do you expose on your social website? I am amazed on how many people will talk about their issues in marriage, the hate of family members, and just stuff that a stranger shouldnt know. Am I overlooking the point of this. I believe that the world should not know that you husband is a dick and you are thinking of leaving him. We are friends because you have an awesome home-based business not on a personal level. Did you forget that you add friends that do not have an history with you.

 I met someone through my pregnancy and she found me on facebook. It was nice to talk to someone that I knew when I was pregnant with my girls. One day she is going off on people. How they are taking what she said on facebook and using it against her. She stated that they misused her words and using it against her. I personally think that she gave the ammo for others to use. Then I got a new friend request with a note attached that she is creating a new page for people that she trust. Now, I accepted the request because I dont have anything against her BUT we are not close friends. It was just an association that we had when we were pregnant. I only know the basics about her and that's about it. How can I be someone that she trust when she doesnt "really" know me. 

Now this is my question. When is too much too much for all to read. I know some people need the outlet and use these sites to do so. I even had to email reminders about OPSEC. Some things shouldnt be talked about on these sites especially when you have 500-1000 friends on your page. Most people are close with maybe up to 5-10 people. Someone help me understand, please.

Hello, My name is Dana and I am of a dying breed

I will be 32 next month. I have been with my husband since I was the ripe age of 18. All my adult life. I hold traditional values of a marriage. 2 becomes 1. I didn't get married with divorce in the back of my head. I don't have his or hers of anything once we got married because to me two becomes one. Well maybe clothing.Then again if you ask him I love to steal his t-shirts. I really don't understand today's logic. I am not saying that the logic is wrong or bad but listening to some wo/men I am WAAAAAYYYY off base.

Example: I don't have (even when I was working full time) his or her bills. It's our bills. Looking at Happily ever after not being forever, they are our bills legally anyway. I didn't know it was so unheard of that a couple doest share checking accounts. See I am telling you I am of a dying breed. Paychecks go in the main account. Both paychecks go towards bills. We do have a lil spending money that is personal and not involved with the main money but if my husband needs more than his weekly spending money and we have the extra he knows he can have it and vice versa.

We do have 3 checking accounts but its just because he is gone a lot and its easier to just put money in an account and not have to go back and forth about what's spent for balancing our accounts purposes. Both names are still on the accounts.

I have been known to be naive on subjects but I couldn't believe wo/men going into marriage not thinking about for better or worse. Thinking about divorce before their marriage takes off. How can you give your marriage a chance if you are worrying about him/her doing you wrong. You speak negative in your life. Negative will come. What happened to marrying a wo/man that you trust, one that you don't have to sneak and put money away just in case s/he might leave you. Don't get me wrong everyone needs rainy day money but my money isn't for a quick escape. If God is willing I will be married to this man until its time to change each other diapers.

Could this be the reason that the divorce rate is so high? People are preparing for divorce before they even get married. People expecting for their spouse to hurt them before they get a change to prove that they are wonderful people. In reality, the person you love the most will let you down one or twice. Not because they want to but because they are human.

Is it crazy for me to be believe until death do us part? I don't have a perfect marriage. I have had issues before and there are some things that both of us need to continue to work with. Though we have to remember life is nothing but mini lessons. We learn something new everyday. That even goes for relationships. You just have to recognize the lessons.

Or is it that people are looking for a husband or wife? Why are you looking? There is a wo/man out there for you but you going on a bloodhound hunt for that person is leading to disaster. Think about it, you are in search for a perfect marriage not the perfect mate because your sole purpose is marriage. Just some thoughts...

Another one that really threw me though a loop. I was talking to someone and started talking about best friends. I said my very best friend that I can anything to, exclude the sugar coating, the most I can count on second to God is my husband. Chile, she looked at me like I was scary. I have best friends. I have some of the most valuable friends every. I love them to death but I truly married my best friend. We can laugh, play, be serious, be lovers, and still committed to each other. I think that you should marry someone that you can open up to. Some women say some things are just not for men to be included on because they dont know what its like to be a woman. No they don't but they know how to be a man. Sometimes a woman needs that male perspective even on girly situations. Shoot, sometimes their perspective is just a hoot. When looks fade, weight is gained, what do you have left??? I have a wonderful friend! A friend that I am not afraid to say "hey bay, I think we should try this way and see what will happen." Use your imagination!!!!

Just some thoughts....

Submit to your husband

uhhh ohhhh. Touchy subject!!!

Before I begin to address the title, please read this:

Eph 5:25-33

22Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26to make her holy, cleansing[b] her by the washing with water through the word, 27and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— 30for we are members of his body. 31"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh."[c] 32This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

I bold the verses 25-33 because people tend to take the bible and translate for their own purpose. Many forget that this was the verse that came right after the wife being submissive. If the woman is humble, modest and not arrogant or prideful, the man should also cherish and love his wife like Jesus loved us and gave his life. If you really think about  it, that is romantic view of a marriage. Women supports their husbands and men protect their wives with all of their heart. 

I was raised ole skool y'all so some may not dig what I am saying. I believ ine a wife submitting to her husband. Dont get me wrong. I do not believe that means become a slave to husband. I was raised that a man is supposed to be the head of the house. He takes care of his wife and children.

I am going to quote the bible a few times there. Be patient with me please. 

Gensis 2:23-24

²³ The man said,
       "This is now bone of my bones
       and flesh of my flesh;
       she shall be called 'woman,'
       for she was taken out of man."

 ²⁴ For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. 

Plain and simple once the man leaves home, heand this wife is a team. There is no what my mama or what my daddy said. In marriage, its 100 percent us. Nothing on the outside should come between a man and his wife.  He has vowed to love and take care of this wife as if he was taking care of himself .

I am also the woman that believes that a man is suppose to work by the sweat of his brow. If a man is out there busting his butt to make sure his family has, the wife should ensure that her household and children are taken care of as well. I am not saying that a woman shouldn't work. I worked before kids and at one point helped pay my husband way through college. I worked full time while he worked part time and went to college. Why did I do that? I feel that his education was important if he was going to fulfill his obligation of supporting his family. I cant say that I didn't finish college was his fault because it really wasn't. It hurt him to no end when I dropped out. I loved the money more than I loved my education. So I know how to work and I know how to be independent. But now that I am married, I feel that my household and family comes first. There will be a point that I return to work but not until all my children are in school full-time and still my obligation will be to them first. My mother and father did it for me and I will do it for my children. 

I have a awesome husband that works hard to please and support his family. God has blessed me with a wonderful man. Which makes being submissive easy.  My husband asks my opinion on  everything.I share my opinion on everything that happens in my house. I also respect him enough to know that in all decisions that he makes for his family, he makes with a humble heart. So when there are times that he does things without me knowing, I trust that he is doing what's best for all of us. Either one of us are perfect. We sometimes cant not get this right. Life, marriage, and our faith is always going to be a learning experience. I cant give up on him and he  not give on me



I find that being the head of the house is a struggle for some. I am my own person. I have my dreams and goals. I will fulfill my dreams and goals. I also have a family that needs to be loved and cared for. My husband is the head and I respect that. Just like he respects my choice of putting my household first.



Ok but what, I feel that in certain aspects the feminine movement has given some men the excuse to kill chivalry.  No, I dont need a man to do anything. I was taught to change oil (I dont though...ewww), I know how to work hard, and I also know how survive without a man. HA!! I have to I am married to a soldier. He is never home. But Dang y'all. I like for a man to open my door. I don't mind him pulling out my chair. Nor do I mind him taking care of the so-called manly stuff. It doesn't mean you cant do. It's nice once in a while to have a man be down with that chick name chivalry. 

Mama's can sometimes mess their sons up too. A man should be able to cook, clean, and sew up his pant hem if he needs to. To me, there is nothing worst than a man not knowing how to do the basic. He doesnt need to know how to make thanksgiving dinner, nor tailor a suit. Why are we not teaching our men these things. I dont think that gender should determine what is taught. My son will not leave out of my house without knowing how to take care of himself. My daughters are going to know that they dont NEED a man to take care of them. They are giving him a great privilege to take care of them. Saying all that to say this. When a couple marry, they are not entering a marriage to be taken care of. They are entering a marriage because of love. If a woman does for her house doesnt mean that she is a slave. If a man brings home his paycheck and works hard for his family,  she cant compete for the head position. She has to let that man be a man.   See I told you I am ole skool. 


Just like I  do need a ring for me to be your wife. Method, I dont know what you iz thinking...LOL!!! Its deeper than a piece of paper.  That subject is another day another post. ;)