Thursday, October 1, 2009

Hello, My name is Dana and I am of a dying breed

I will be 32 next month. I have been with my husband since I was the ripe age of 18. All my adult life. I hold traditional values of a marriage. 2 becomes 1. I didn't get married with divorce in the back of my head. I don't have his or hers of anything once we got married because to me two becomes one. Well maybe clothing.Then again if you ask him I love to steal his t-shirts. I really don't understand today's logic. I am not saying that the logic is wrong or bad but listening to some wo/men I am WAAAAAYYYY off base.

Example: I don't have (even when I was working full time) his or her bills. It's our bills. Looking at Happily ever after not being forever, they are our bills legally anyway. I didn't know it was so unheard of that a couple doest share checking accounts. See I am telling you I am of a dying breed. Paychecks go in the main account. Both paychecks go towards bills. We do have a lil spending money that is personal and not involved with the main money but if my husband needs more than his weekly spending money and we have the extra he knows he can have it and vice versa.

We do have 3 checking accounts but its just because he is gone a lot and its easier to just put money in an account and not have to go back and forth about what's spent for balancing our accounts purposes. Both names are still on the accounts.

I have been known to be naive on subjects but I couldn't believe wo/men going into marriage not thinking about for better or worse. Thinking about divorce before their marriage takes off. How can you give your marriage a chance if you are worrying about him/her doing you wrong. You speak negative in your life. Negative will come. What happened to marrying a wo/man that you trust, one that you don't have to sneak and put money away just in case s/he might leave you. Don't get me wrong everyone needs rainy day money but my money isn't for a quick escape. If God is willing I will be married to this man until its time to change each other diapers.

Could this be the reason that the divorce rate is so high? People are preparing for divorce before they even get married. People expecting for their spouse to hurt them before they get a change to prove that they are wonderful people. In reality, the person you love the most will let you down one or twice. Not because they want to but because they are human.

Is it crazy for me to be believe until death do us part? I don't have a perfect marriage. I have had issues before and there are some things that both of us need to continue to work with. Though we have to remember life is nothing but mini lessons. We learn something new everyday. That even goes for relationships. You just have to recognize the lessons.

Or is it that people are looking for a husband or wife? Why are you looking? There is a wo/man out there for you but you going on a bloodhound hunt for that person is leading to disaster. Think about it, you are in search for a perfect marriage not the perfect mate because your sole purpose is marriage. Just some thoughts...

Another one that really threw me though a loop. I was talking to someone and started talking about best friends. I said my very best friend that I can anything to, exclude the sugar coating, the most I can count on second to God is my husband. Chile, she looked at me like I was scary. I have best friends. I have some of the most valuable friends every. I love them to death but I truly married my best friend. We can laugh, play, be serious, be lovers, and still committed to each other. I think that you should marry someone that you can open up to. Some women say some things are just not for men to be included on because they dont know what its like to be a woman. No they don't but they know how to be a man. Sometimes a woman needs that male perspective even on girly situations. Shoot, sometimes their perspective is just a hoot. When looks fade, weight is gained, what do you have left??? I have a wonderful friend! A friend that I am not afraid to say "hey bay, I think we should try this way and see what will happen." Use your imagination!!!!

Just some thoughts....

3 comments:

JOURNEE KAPRI said...

This is a good topic. Even for me, it is hard because I was telling my mom that I honestly don't know what I would do in marriage. But I like that part that you said that the person you "marry will hurt you once or twice not because they want to but because they are human", that was a good point. Unfortunatley not many men and women don't think like you and your hubby. For us single people it is hard to find someone that is in it for the long haul, most people will dip out on the first signs of hardship or trouble. That is why I hope my husband will be a strong and and vice versus. Since I have never been married. So many people today do not understand the meaning a value of marriage. Most just think it is a legal thing or walking to the alter. However, most don't understand that IT DOES MEAN TWO BECOME ONE. Most feel like they should protect themselves. And even beyond the marriage realm it just seems people lack trust period, so when entering into a marriage they will not be able to trust their partner. I really like this subject.

Mom.Wife.Me said...

In these days and times, its hard not to fall for the oki dok. People are so into what they can get. They forget about what can the offer. I am telling you people need to go back to the old days. Not all of the old fashion ways were bad.

I've seen some of the shit people (Yep I said shit) people have done to one another in a relationship. Scandalous outrageous mess. I also can see why people are so seperate in a marriage but that leads me back to thinking are we looking for the right traits in a mate.

I mean you cant want a thug and not think he is going to be a thug in the true essence of the word. If that makes any sense. Some of us need to write down what's important to us in a mate. Then evaluate if those traits you are willing to provide back. Like he got to be hard working. Do you get up everyday and make that hustle work for you. Have standards when dating but be sure that those same standards you live by. I met a lot of women that say they have to have a B.M.W. but they barely a Kia.

JOURNEE KAPRI said...

You are so right! People are into taking these days not giving. Also, it is important to really know what you want and evaluate why do you want it. That is very important. Also, people marry for the wrong reasons sometimes so of course they are going to have a messed up marriage. LOL. I also know people who have done unthinkable things to the person that they married/loved. It was sad. I also believe people should take it back to the ol'school.